Savage Race Maryland 2017 - You Can Be Whoever You Want To Be Today

Each year I task myself with the challenge of taking a new approach to race reviews to keep them fresh and new. I grow tired of reading straight up recaps and you probably do too. If you want to know how awesome parking, registration and other things were, Mike Natale probably already published one of those. If not, you can check out these older gems: Savage PA 2015 Savage MD 2016 Savage Florida Sharkbait

If you, like the late great Tony Soprano, believe that “remember when is the lowest form of conversation” then don’t give Matt B. Davis and crew any more clicks on old shit and keep reading this bad girl right here. *

I’ve been running Savage Race since 2013 and EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I have a blast. My wife has a blast, my friends have a blast, the people around me have a blast, and people that use oxford commas have a blast.** It gets repetitive writing about having fun and how Savage Race does things right. Even when they get something wrong, like the Yuri situation in Georgia, they end up getting it right when they take responsibility for their decisions. They are the anti BattleFrog but with way better obstacles than people who pine for BattleFrog care to admit.

Ok, so Savage is great. Get it? Got it? Good.

Now, Matty T said something that stuck with me at the start line last week. He said, “You can be whoever you want to be today.” It got me thinking while I was in the tub (sans Matt B. Davis) that Savage Race truly offers everything to everyone. Seriously, think about it:

Do you want to take a large group of friends to their first event? I’ve done this.
Do you want to help your friend face her fears and show her she can do anything? I’ve done this too.
Do you want to qualify for the Obstacle Course Racing World Championships? Check.
Do you want to meet a complete stranger on course and help them face their fears? It happens every time.
Do you want to win money? If you’ve got the stones, have at it Cowboy!

You can do ALL of these things. You can be WHOEVER you want to be today. Race for money. Race for fun. Race yourself. It’s your call.

At this point you may be asking yourself, “Does this guy work for Savage? He keeps saying how great they are and has given literally no insight as to why they are great or what made last weekend in Maryland so fucking great?” No, I do not, but if Sam and Lloyd want the most epic team up of dude’s who love 90’s hip hop and the Wu Tang Clan then I will certainly accept a position working with Matty T. Ok, I should probably say something about the race, but instead of just telling you we will play that silly 10 bands thing from facebook and apply it to Savage Race.

Here are 10 things Savage Race does to make the life of every Obstacle Racing Company Harder. 9 are True and 1 is False:

They added 3 different colored Buffs to the merch table.
They have a secret stash of Ecto Cooler and have a secret obstacle where you drink Ecto Cooler and watch all of the Ghostbusters movies.
They added “Twirly Bird” to an already upper body heavy obstacle list
The owner personally responded on my friend’s post when they handled a customer service complaint incorrectly.
They had the stones to upgrade Sawtooth to metal and increase the pipe diameter to 2 inches in the tooth sections even though they probably knew people would miss the original look. #changeishard
They added “Hangarang” as a kind of newer version of a balance beam while shouting out to Rufio and the Lost Boys. It also didn’t have the lines that balance beams get.
The addition of “Mad Ladders”. Are they angry ladders? A lot of ladders? Are we talking in real words or slang? I don’t know, but “Mad Ladders” are fun.
“Twin Peaks” is ANOTHER new obstacle. 4 new obstacles.
The new shirt design is awesome and they upgraded the Syndicate Medal for year 2!
That’s 9 new obstacles in 2 years and they already had great obstacles. You’ve got to spend money to make money, folks! #cantstopwontstopdontstop

That’s all I’ve got and I am dangerously close to my word limit. Holler at me in the comments if you have any questions. Seacrest out!

*I’m pretty sure I already used this quote in another review but I’m too lazy to go back and check. Consistency is key.

**Eat shit, Brilliant.

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Keith Allen

Keith Allen is an Air Conditioning Salesman and an exhausted father of two. When not carrying his children around in Baby Bjorns he is often found cooking delicious homemade quesadillas to fuel his hunger from running OCR's