A Tale of One Citi- Spartan versus the Ghost of Shea Stadium

“There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb” -Miley Cyrus

It seems that no matter what type of Spartan Race I participate in I inevitably wind up singing Miley Cyrus’ inspirational gem, “The Climb.” Spartan Race digs calf muscles and they want you to dig them too. No ski resort? No problem! Walk up these stairs over and over again and we will begin your journey into calf domination. Hell, even the Bulk Pony himself, Hunter “Feed the Need” McIntyre had a lower extremity issue directly related to the plethora of stairs lining the concrete jungle mountains of Citi Field. Or maybe Isaiah Vidal just stared at his ankle really really hard with that serious “I’m really determined” look that he always does on TV. Hunter sprained his ankle… I’m not suggesting he was out of shape…. we know he’s in shape…. did you see his score on 18.1??? MACHO!!

I digress… Time to interview myself.

Keith, you have always been known as a Tough Mudder homer. What’s with all the AROOing this year?

Well, I may be an #exambassador who is doing #zeroeventsin2018 but I think I’m more of a Savage homer than anything. That being said the answer is geography. I moved to New York and I am surrounded by Spartans. I also have developed an affinity for buckets with lids. Come to think of it, Citi Field didn’t have any buckets and I don’t think we AROOd at the start line. I did carry a sandbag up a lot of stairs which is something you would expect at a Spartan. I need to get my hands on one of those new lid topped Spartan buckets.

Wow, I can dig it. Was this your first Stadium Event?

Yes it was. I tricked my wife into doing this race by leaving out the details.

What details?

I neglected to mention that a Stadium Race is kind of like a hybrid of a Spartan and a workout class. We invited her cousin to the race too and neither of them were expecting Assault Bikes and Roller blade glide ab thingies.

Interesting. Well, what did you think?

I have a lot of thoughts, and to tell you the truth I’ve been following Lady Gaga’s advice and working on incorporating more kindness into my life. I really enjoyed myself but I would warn folks that if you are going to a Stadium Race and expecting an overwhelming amount of obstacles that you should adjust your expectations. I knew what to expect and without having looked at a course map I was getting worried with the lack of “fun” obstacles until the rig, rope climb and Roller blade glide ab thingies showed up. The atmosphere of being in Citi Field is part of the event. Especially if you are a baseball fan or a fan of extremely well manicured grass.

You said you have a lot of thoughts. Care to share any others?

Sure. For starters I was very happy that Brakken won this race. He and I share a love for capris pants. I was disappointed that he was caprisless, if I’m being completely honest. I think he and I should do a photo shoot, we’d make a great team. Oh, I also really want to give credit to Spartan for their sponsors and for their merch setup. I am a huge fan of the $5 bag check merch coupon that they give and it usually pushes me to purchase something. This time around we got the kids some sweet Spartan hoodies. As far as the sponsors, they have an abundance of people there giving away free samples and I just think the vibe is great. I’m in love with Ascent protein and my love for them started 2 years ago at a Spartan sponsor booth. I bought some more at Citi Field and even got my wife’s cousin to get some too. Since I’ve been married for 8 years should I just call him my cousin?

Dude, I don’t know. That’s a personal preference. Would you like to add anything else or can I start adding pictures to this thing?

I’d like to just say that i’m all about having fun and I had fun at Citi Field. Unless shit is falling down on you or the company is blatantly trying to rip you off or changing their entire set up after their participants already purchased their tickets then a lot of times it depends on what you are looking to get out of the event. I didn’t go into this race expecting grand obstacles or a soul crushing experience and I didn’t get either and that was fine. It was a pretty chill Saturday and I had a good time. I’ll wrap it up as I think I’m making you hit the Matt B. Davis word limit for these things.

Alright, well thanks for the talk. Love, peace, chicken grease.

Later! Here come the Rome plows!

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Keith Allen

Keith Allen is an Air Conditioning Salesman and an exhausted father of two. When not carrying his children around in Baby Bjorns he is often found cooking delicious homemade quesadillas to fuel his hunger from running OCR's